OKAY GUYS, THIS ONE’S FOR YOU

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PERFORMANCE POWER CUSTOMIZED

I know guys like to cut to the chase. As many of you know, Sex for most men after 50 is different from the hormone-driven sex of their youth. Not necessarily worse or better, but like most things in life, surely different. Your trusty penis may just not be as ready and reliable as it once was. Although, we are bombarded by ads promising perfect performance solutions, in general, sexual issues are often not openly talked about by most men or even their health care providers. So, how does anyone decide what to do? Give up intercourse?  Get T or other hormone injections? Use Viagra or other erectile dysfunction (ED) pills? Change partners?  Since an erratic sexual performance usually comes on gradually, it can be a pretty confusing and anxiety-inducing path. And, with anxiety, one’s penis tends to consider performance a challenge that too often makes sex an often-avoided chore rather than a pleasure.

One solution that isn’t often promoted is to change to a new way of being sexual that may initially feel different, but can still be great. Since we live in a pill popping and pharmacology oriented world, changing your attitude and life style may bring you what you seek, but since it does not reward big Pharm with big bucks, it’s often not addressed. At over $50.00 a pill for Viagra, one can go broke just to have a good sex life. Perhaps, it’s time for you and your “best friend” to get reacquainted with each other in some new ways?  

I’m all for a little help from an injection, blue pill or whatever may work. However, in my experience as a sex-pert, I’ve learned that aids simply don’t work for many men, either because they are on medicine that counteracts their effect, desire isn’t there, or they may have a physical condition that prevents popping one more pill. After decades of living in the locker room of men’s minds, I’ve learned that though physical changes are real and performance may not be what it was when your hormones raged, your above the belt head often controls how your below your belt operates. Your brain is your biggest sex organ.

LOSE YOUR MIND AND COME TO YOUR SENSES

While you may always choose to get some help from a prescription buddy, the tried and true get fit, lose weight, eat better, exercise (yoga can work magic) approach really works.  Sitting on the couch and working the remote, is simply not exercise. (Sorry about that.)

Most people make love the way they want to be made love to.  Neither you nor your partner is a psychic. We have all lived too long to be embarrassed about our bodies. Learn to touch and tell. Sex, as with all of life, requires negotiation. Great lovers know how to take their time and pay attention to tactile and verbal communication.

Foreplay starts long before you hit the bedroom. It includes kind words, a touch or caress, or a well-placed kiss. Throughout parts of Asia, practioners may spend years studying a form of lovemaking called Tantra. Here the goal is to prolong the process and let the goal just happen.  Just ask rock star Sting. Thirty years into their enduring romance, Sting and Trudie are still avid practioners of tantric yoga. 

Guys, I don’t care who tells you otherwise, sex has no expiration date. If you or you and your partner aren’t “getting it on” and want to, take a deep breathe and do something. Start with a good physical check up. Next, check to see if your relationship has any of those pesky unaddressed issues that are being brought into the bedroom. Statistics show that a happy, healthy intimate life helps people live healthier and longer. That’s one more reason to never give up. A good sex life is every man’s (and woman’s) birthright. 

Recently a man somewhat condescendingly asked me about my book Sex For Grown-Ups. “Why would any one bother to write such a book”? He asked.  “After all everyone knows how to do it”

I thought for a minute and responded. “Well, most guys know how to put gas in their cars, but for a really good lube job or more intricate work, you take your car to an expert, don’t you?

Sex is kind of like that. Everyone may think they know how to do it, but there really are all levels of satisfaction.” He looked at me somewhat doubtfully, then shyly he smiled. “Can I get your book on Amazon?” he asked. 

Myth #1: It’s not sex unless you have intercourse.

False. Sex is more than hitting the target’s bull’s eye.

 

Myth #2: It’s not sex unless you have an orgasm.

False. Sex is an attitude and self-image. An “I love you,” qualifies as sex, as does a caring caress.

 

Myth #3: Sex is performance. You either succeed or fail. 

False. Sex is process, not a goal.

 

Myth #4: Men don’t express feelings. 

True. Sort of…Most men prefer to fix a problem rather than discuss

it, but many will share feelings, if you open dialogue in an

invitational way.

 

Myth #5: All sexual feelings have an end goal. 

False. Feelings are different from actions. Most men have feelings

and fantasies.

 

Myth #6: Men always have to initiate sex. 

False. Each partner is equally responsible for starting the

process.

 

Myth #7: Men can’t have multiple orgasms. 

False. With rest, relaxation, and the right partner, many men can come more than once.

 

You can enjoy deliciously satisfying sex and passion at every age and stage of your life.

Dr. Dorree Lynn: Nationally known celebrity psychotherapist, sex-pert, author, lecturer and media personality has helped thousands of men and women achieve intimacy, vitality and the best sex of their lives no matter what their age. Dr. Dorree offers solutions to a myriad of sex issues that are more common than you may know. World travelled, Dr. Dorree Lynn has recently chosen “historic and hip” Charleston as her home.

Laura Olsen

Houston, TX