CAN’T KEEP A GOOD MAN DOWN

 

CAN’T KEEP A GOOD MAN DOWN

Published in Issue #6 | AUTUMN 2016

by
Wm . M i c h a e l G r u e n l o h

If you have ever had the opportunity to hear Senator Kimpson speak, you know there is no other way to begin an article about him than to write about how he talks. Marlon’s voice evokes Dr. Martin Luther King and something else that is unique to Marlon. His voice has a lyricism that inspires and a timbre that commands your attention. But his family members don’t talk like that. So where did the accent come from and what does it mean? I could write for days on this subject but there’s just too much else to say about his work in the South Carolina Senate to dwell on it. Suffice it to say, when Senator Kimpson talks, you just have to listen.

 I met Marlon 15 years ago when we were young associates at a big law firm. At the time we were as replaceable as coffee filters though we did not view ourselves as such. I remember Marlon looked me in the eye and confidently shook my hand. I didn’t know whether he spelled his name like ‘Marlon Brando’ or the fish so I just entered him into my phone as ‘the Governor.’ Given Senator Kimpson’s record in his short time as a legislator, that moniker may prove prophetic. 

During Senator Kimpson’s first term, his district was beset with tragedies. The shooting of Walter Scott and the massacre at Mother Emmanuel thrust him onto the world stage. If you turned on CNN in the days following those tragedies you likely heard Kimpson speaking about solutions and solidarity – not revolt and divisiveness like many of his peers. Senator Kimpson has led by example and helped our community heal while many other communities were erupting in violence. It would have been easy for him to talk to CNN about the centuries of mistreatment of African Americans in South Carolina. It would have been easy for him to spark the smoldering powder keg. Had he done so, it certainly would have made for better television ratings and may have earned him more votes. But instead, Senator Kimpson brought us together and I was so proud of him and my community. 

Senator Kimpson has also championed an impressive amount of meaningful, progressive legislation in his short time as a legislator. He co-wrote the bill equipping our police officers with body cameras and was a key voice in the fight to remove the Confederate flag from the Statehouse. His trademark voice has been a loud and oftentimes lonely one on important issues like education and gun control. For example, take Senator Kimpson’s recent filibuster of the GOPs latest NRA-sponsored legislation.  He was badly outnumbered and never had a chance. A lesser man would run (and most of them did). But Senator Kimpson stayed on the Senate floor and fought. It reminded me of when the hopelessly outnumbered Jon Snow, single-handedly charged the army of Ramsay Bolton in Game of Thrones. Why? Because Ramsay was an evil son of a bitch and it was the right thing to do, that’s why. Though Senator Kimpson did not win the battle on that legislation he did win important concessions from the GOP led Senate. Kimpson’s filibuster was a testament to the power of righteous dissent.

That’s the type of resolve we need in our Statehouse and I’m not surprised one bit that Senator Kimpson has shown such determination. It runs in his family. Marlon’s mother, Wilhelmina, was a Title 1 public school teacher and administrator for more than forty years. Marlon’s father, Milton Kimpson, worked as a sharecropper on the Marion Gressette Plantation in Calhoun County. In his youth, Mr. Kimpson’s claim to fame was the astounding amount of cotton he was able to pick in a week. Through hard work and determination, Mr. Kimpson rose from sharecropper to community leader, eventually serving in the cabinet of South Carolina Governor Dick Riley. Together, Milton and Wilhelmina Kimpson raised three boys; all of them are successful, family men guided by their faith. 

I occasionally have the opportunity to see Milton and Wilhelmina Kimpson. They are inseparable. When Milton Kimpson enters a room, invariably with Wilhelmina on his arm, he walks with a cane and is slightly bent over from years of hard work. Wilhelmina is soft-spoken and smiles often. I know that the Kimpsons have experienced and persevered through more struggle than I can imagine. But struggle is not what they convey when you meet them. Rather, Milton and Wilhelmina exude determination, success and great pride.  

Throughout his life, Senator Kimpson has channeled that same determination. He attended the prestigious Morehouse College but it was no cakewalk. Kimpson had to take his SATs twice before he was admitted. When he graduated from Morehouse he attended the University of South Carolina School of Law. That didn’t come easy either. He had to take the LSAT twice before he was admitted. Kimpson does not hide these facts. He is proud of them and rightfully so. When lesser men might have given up, Marlon used adversity to channel that Kimpson determination passed to him by his parents. He’s a grinder and that may be the most important thing for you to know about him. 

Today, Senator Kimpson lives here in Charleston with his beautiful wife and daughter. He seems like a man who has it all. That perception, more than anything, has been the Achilles heel at which his rivals have taken aim. They have questioned Senator Kimpson’s authenticity, labeling him a self-promoter and an outsider. One of his rivals, in an ironic bit of reverse racism even claimed that Marlon’s wife is a white woman (incidentally she’s not). How dare an African American man appear to be happy, healthy and wealthy? How dare Senator Kimpson display any of the trappings of his hard won success? Do they know, I wonder, that Senator Kimpson often works late into the night so that he is prepared to represent both his continuants and his clients? Do they know, I wonder, that Marion Gressette, the name that adorns the State Office building in which Senator Kimpson works is the same name of the plantation on which his father toiled?

I had no idea what type of man Marlon would become when I first met him 15 years ago, and don’t know what he’ll do in the next 15 years. But I’m proud that Senator Kimpson is my representative in the Senate, and I’m even more proud that he is my friend. I think I’ll keep him listed in my cell-phone as ‘the Governor’ a little while longer.

SUPER DAD

 

SUPER DAD

Published in Issue #6 | AUTUMN 2016

by
R a c h e l To a l s o n

My husband has been just the tiniest bit overlooked for most of our parenting life because his birthday falls so close to Mother’s Day, and all these boys in our house would much rather celebrate Mama than Daddy. So I didn’t want the week to go by without expressing just what he’s meant in my life and the life of my children.

When we were 18 and 19, Ben traveled to my hometown with me, because we were in a band together and were booked to play a concert. He stayed with some of my mom’s friends.

“You’ll marry that man,” my mom’s friend told me on the last day.

It was before I was even interested in him THAT way, so I shook my head. “No way,” I said. “We’re just friends.” My mom’s friend shrugged. “Okay,” she said. “But you’re going to marry him. Want to know how I know?” Of course I wanted to know how someone knew who my future husband would be.

“Because of that,” she said.

She pointed at him, sitting in the middle of a circle of children. They were all giggling hysterically, and when he stood up, they followed him like the Pied Piper. Two years later, I did marry him.

In the eight years we have parented our boys, I have watched him grow into one of the best fathers I’ve ever known. He has taught me better ways to love my children just because of the example he is. Not only that, but he has taught me how to be a better parent, because it all comes so naturally to him.

HE HAS TAUGHT ME
1 Giggles are never too costly. He will do anything in the world to elicit giggles from his children. He will try to break dance on the carpet, tripping over his own feet. He will bound around the room on his hands and feet like a Daddy gorilla. He will read stories with their names replacing the words (“Shaggy dog, waggy dog, don’t-do-as-you’re Jadon dog.”). He will trip himself on purpose or run into a wall or pretend he’s slapping himself. He will turn them upside down to walk on the ceiling or body slam them on the couch or ask about their feelings
in a robot voice. There is never a price too high.

2 There’s no such thing as an embarrassed parent. When his son picked Treasure Island as his birthday party theme, my husband borrowed a pirate costume from his brother and stole my black eyeliner to rim his own eyes and read A Pirate’s ABC with a roughened-sailor accent to all the kids gathered in our living room. When one son started dancing in the middle of the grocery store, because his jam came on over the loudspeaker, my husband joined him. When another son melted on the mulch of the neighborhood playground because he wasn’t ready to go home yet, my husband bent beside him and acknowledged his feelings and the time and what he was expected to do next, instead of walking away and pretending that child wasn’t his (which is exactly what I did).

3 Stories are much more fun when there are accents. My husband reads to his boys every night before they go to bed, and it’s not unusual for me to hear an Englishman reading Imagine a Day or a Spanish man reading Skippyjon Jones or a dopey man reading The Book With No Pictures. When we’re reading Elephant and Piggie books, he has voices for all the characters. He uses his hands. He makes it a show. He says I’m the reason they love to read, but the truth is, he has made books come alive for them. They love reading because of his theatrics.

4 Play is so much better than work. My husband has passed over good jobs because he wouldn’t be home in time for family dinner. He has turned down promotions. He has limited work-from-home hours because he wants to protect family play time after dinner, when he’ll run around the cul-de-sac playing kickball or trying to get a kite in the air or chasing all the kids for an epic game of tag. When it’s raining, he pulls out Jenga and Monopoly and Battleship or makes up his own game of charades. His boys know their relationship is more important than what work their daddy might have to get done at night.

5 Kids are not too young to add value to the world. So many kids feel like they have nothing to offer the world, but my husband lets our boys know they do. He encourages their creativity. He makes up secret codes with them. He designs the book covers for the books they’ve written. He lets them use all the computer paper to make paper airplanes they’ll sell in their art stand out front. He writes silly songs with them. He outlines that hand-lettering piece he drew and lets them color it in. He teaches them, and he lets himself be taught by them. He believes in them, and he teaches them to believe in themselves.

The other day, we were leaving a meeting when all five of the potty-trained boys
announced that they needed to go potty. I rolled my eyes, because it happens
EVERY time, but my husband laughed and raced them out of the car.
They were walking up wooden stairs, the boys behind him and all around him,
and I saw the same picture I’d seen fourteen years ago, all these kids gathered
around him just because they love being around a man like him.
I couldn’t help but smile—because it’s plain to see the love he has for them
and the love they have for him and the rock of a relationship that has been
building since they slid into his life.

How fortunate I am that my boys have a daddy like him.

HOW TO CREATE THE JOB YOU LOVE… WITHOUT QUITTING

 

HOW TO CREATE THE JOB YOU LOVE… WITHOUT QUITTING

Published in Issue #6 | AUTUMN 2016

by
B e n Fa n n i n g

I woke up sweating in the middle of the night with the weight of a
bowling ball on my chest. I had a premonition of having a heart
attack one day because of my daily stress, job and family history,
but I never dreamed it would happen in my 30s!

I was ashamed to tell anyone, so I hurried alone into the ER. After
some tests the doctor said, “Ben, you’re having a panic attack.”

This wake-up jolt helped me recognize that I was headed for a
meltdown. Something had to change. This terrifying moment
became my turning point into an amazing journey toward more
job satisfaction, success in my day job, and eventually launching a
business to help others do the same…

FROM BURNOUT TO #1 BESTSELLING AUTHOR

When I burned out and almost quit I heard an inner voice challenging
me: “Why not stay…but stay differently?”
Keep the steady paycheck, insurance, 401k, but begin to change my
approach to the job I had.

This mental shift changed my whole trajectory and quickly increased
my enjoyment and success. Within six months, concrete results
showed up for me in moving up in my organization even being
featured in the company newsletter that went out to 100,000
employees.

And my home life improved tremendously… I came home with
renewed energy and excitement to share my “wins” for the day with
my family—a routine we still have today. I began exercising again
and living a healthier life.

This momentum carried me into new territory, as I began helping
others. I launched my #1 bestselling book around this idea — The
QUIT Alternative: The Blueprint for Creating the Job You Love WITHOUT
QUITTING.

Now I help others as a keynote speaker, consultant, and author.
Today, I’ll offer you three quick steps so you can begin creating the job
you love. My intention is to make these so straightforward that you
can improve your day job within 2 hours of completing the article.

STEP 1: ENGAGE WITH THE POTENTIAL
OF YOUR CURRENT JOB

Instead of focusing on how limiting your job is or fantasizing about
quitting, make a conscious decision to make your current job
something worth investing in.

Treat your job description as “clay on the wheel”. It’s easy to let a
job description confine you to work you’re tired of or just don’t like.
Instead of your job description being finite, consider it to be the “clay
on the wheel” that you will mold in a way that not only meets your
company’s needs BUT ALSO satisfies your potential.
Right Now: Dream bigger about your current job.


“INSTEAD OF FANTASIZING ABOUT GETTING THE PERFECT JOB,
GET ON A MISSION TO CREATE THE ONE YOU LOVE.”


Consider your job description as a starting point for your job, not the
end point. What does that mean about the possibilities for creating
something new for your work day? Write that down now. You’ll use it
in a later exercise.

STEP 2: DISCOVER THE WORK THAT DOESN’T
FEEL LIKE WORK

Work that plays to your natural strengths, passion and skills doesn’t
feel like work. Spending the day on inspiring work is less depleting,
and you’ll find yourself more confident and more inclined to be
generous with your time.

Begin by clarifying which tasks deplete you. Everyone finds some
aspects of their job to be a grind, but most people don’t take the time
to figure out exactly which tasks these are. Become aware of which
activities drain and deplete you.

Right Now: List the top three tasks in your job that deplete your
motivation.

Clarify which tasks motivate you. Sometimes it’s more difficult to
recognize which work motivates you because the experiences that
play to your strengths and passions may become invisible to you.

Right Now: List the top three work tasks that motivate you.

STEP 3: CAMPAIGN FOR THE WORK YOU LOVE

Getting more work that motivates you won’t happen by luck.

Campaigning for it will help you create the job you love.
Review your list of depleting work and tweak it to make it more
motivating. It may not be realistic to eliminate all the work that wears
you out, but you can modify it to play to your strengths. The only
way I could survive an Excel analysis was to schedule a presentation
to share the findings. I could then approach the required work with
more enthusiasm.

Also collaborate with coworkers who actually like to do the draining
tasks that you don’t. Thankfully, humans are unique individuals who
love different things. Avoid complaining, but stay on the lookout for
collaborators with different skills and interests. This step might sound
unusual, and that’s because it is. Challenge the mentality you should
all strive to be good at everything instead of tapping into each other’s
strengths.

The result is a happier workday and continual progress towards a
more satisfying career.

GROWING OLD GRACEFULLY…NOT!

 

GUY STUFF

Published in Issue #6 | AUTUMN 2016

by
C h a d S t r a u g h a n

GROWING OLD GRACEFULLY…NOT!

I often find myself waking up these days feeling like I have
been on a binge as if I am still in college. With 3 kids often
my wake up call, I can assure you, this is not the case. Why
is getting old so painful! I find myself taking ibuprofen and
acetaminophen more frequently than in the past. So you
ask, what is the difference between the two? Ibuprofen (a
NSAID) is often used to treat pain, inflammation, and fever.
It helps block the synthesis of prostaglandins (mediators of
pain) and it is metabolized via the kidneys, therefore, having
no/little effect on the liver. Ibuprofen has been shown to
cause adverse GI symptoms, especially with high doses and
frequent use, and should be taken with food. Acetaminophen
is used to treat many of the same symptoms as ibuprofen and
works in a similar manner, blocking prostaglandin synthesis.
It is often found in combination pain relief formulations (think
Vicodin) and as a result, caution should be used to ensure the
total daily dose consumed does not exceed the maximum
daily allowance. As always, ask your physician which pain
reliever is best for you and your current symptoms.

We want to hear from you. Have a topic you would liked discussed? Email Chad at help@tidewaterpharmacy.com

TESTOSTERONE… TOO MUCH… NOT ENOUGH

 

GUY STUFF

Published in Issue #6 | AUTUMN 2016

TESTOSTERONE…

TOO MUCH…NOT ENOUGH

Too much…your hair falls out….not enough....you can’t get
it up! Where is the happy medium? Again, getting old sucks!
Fortunately today, you can choose just about any dosage
form of testosterone to ensure your levels are where they
need to be or where you want them to be. Everything from
a patch, a gel, a nasal spray, injections and even implants are
available for your picking. And why not an oral testosterone?
It is available, but some experts believe the oral form can
have negative effects on the liver, especially at the required
men’s doses. It is important to weigh the pros and cons of
each dosage form. Due to the abuse potential, testosterone
is a controlled substance and as a result there are limits as
to the frequency it can be filled. I do stress one important
consideration, cost. Most Medicare drug plans and some
commercial drug plans do not cover testosterone in any
form. It certainly may benefit you to shop prices and maybe
even consider having it compounded for a fraction of the
cost. With a little help, you too can be “young” again!

We want to hear from you. Have a topic you would liked discussed? Email Chad at help@tidewaterpharmacy.com

​DEALING WITH A DIFFICULT EX

 

DEALING WITH A DIFFICULT EX

Published in Issue #6 | AUTUMN 2016

by
D e b b i e M a r t i n e z


It’s hard enough adjusting to the rigors of being divorced and rebuilding your life but throw
a difficult ex wife into the mix and it’s down right frustrating and exhausting. As much as
we all hope parents will put their children first and not use them to get back at their ex, it doesn’t
always work out that way. So, what can you do when you are dealing with someone who is toxic,
vindictive and combative? Don’t focus on the storm, focus on the plan to get out and believe me,
there is a difference.

It’s natural to talk about the things that make you unhappy or angry but in this instance, it is completely unproductive. Focus your thoughts and energy into a plan. Here are some things to think about.Acceptance is key. Stop trying to change her way of thinking and behavior and focus on changing yours. You have control of yourself but you cannot control her. Once you accept the way things are instead of always wanting them to be different, you will be on your way to finding inner peace.

What part are you playing in this drama? Are you being manipulative, passive aggressive or provoking her? Is your ego driving these battles? Let go of negative or manipulative behavior. Be honest with your role in all this and take steps to correct it.

Ask yourself what need this ongoing battle is fulfilling in your ex? She is clearly getting something out of it. Is it about control? Ruining your date night or the holidays? Figure out what it is and then take it away from her. For example, if her goal is to ruin a date by picking the kids up late than come up with an alternate plan. You can drop the kids off instead of have her come get them, have a babysitter wait with them, etc. There is a solution to everything if you can get past the notion of fairness and resentment. As long as you buy into her, you will continue to make your life miserable.

Here is a tough one but it works. Before you engage in conflict, take a deep breath, step back and try to see the issue through her eyes. Don’t let your ego drive the situation and don’t threaten to ‘lawyer up’ with every infraction. Keep your eye on the goal and that is to make your life easier.

Set up your boundaries and stick to them. Communicate only about the kids or required settlement issues. If you can’t speak without your blood boiling than communicate by email or text. Keep your communication business like; void of emotion and do not personalize it.

Keep things in perspective. This is only one part of your life and even though it seems like it consumes your life, remember it only will if you let it. Start living your life and be less concerned with what she is or isn’t doing. Do Not under any circumstances let anyone steal your joy.

There is only so much you can control and unless your ex is doing something to harm the children or extremely egregious, you are left having to accept that the two of you will not be on the same page with the kids. You say white and she says black. Don’t set yourself up for unnecessary frustration or failure by constantly trying to fit the square peg into the round hole. Set up your home and parenting the way you want it. Let your children know that when they come home to you, the hat they wore at their moms gets left at the door and your hat goes on. Have open communication with them; however, this is not synonymous with bad mouthing their mom. Depending on the age, it is about listening to them, acknowledging how they feel and including them in the solution process.

How you live your life is a choice and you do have the control even if at times it appears that you don’t. Clear out the resentment, the sense of unfairness and stop digging your heels in. Fix your eyes on the goal of harmony with yourself and your children.

SOMETHING’S FISHY… NOT ALL SUPPLEMENTS ARE CREATED EQUAL

 

SOMETHING’S FISHY…
NOT ALL SUPPLEMENTS ARE CREATED EQUAL

Published in Issue #6 | AUTUMN 2016

by
S u s a n W i l s o n , MD

Omega-3 fatty acids are essential for optimal health. They are deemed
“essential” because we need them for proper health, but cannot produce them on our own. These
fatty acids are required for a wide range of functions, from proper blood flow to brain development
and are integral to the heart, skin, joints, eyes and immune system. With over 10,000 published
studies over the past 30 years, EPA and DHA from fish oil are among the most researched natural
ingredients in history. Health benefits are many:

Improves cardiovascular health, lowers inflammation, supports healthy brain function and
cognition, improves lipid metabolism and lower triglycerides, helps maintain healthy blood
pressure, enhances mood, reduces arthritis pain and helps maintain visual acuity.
Dietary changes over the last century have led to a decrease in consumption of omega-3 fatty acids
and supplementation for most people has become an important health strategy.

The problem is that fish oil supplements vary dramatically in composition, purity and freshness.
The supplement industry lacks the oversight needed to maintain minimum standards and
unfortunately too many of us are lured into purchasing the supplement with the most effective
marketing strategy and may end up with an attractive package with scant healthy nutrients
inside and possibly some dangerous contaminants.

Here are some things to look for when evaluating fish oil supplements:

Freshness – Look for products that use the freshest fish oil. Rancid oil is used in many fish oil
supplements, a sure way to cause stomach upset. The companies that catch their own fish and
process their own oils usually have the freshest ingredients.

Purity – The purer the oil the fewer toxins it will contain

Price – Do not judge based on price alone. The cheapest products are likely to be contaminated
and less safe, but not all of the expensive ones are superior. Do your research.

Potency – Evaluate the DHA. The average fish oil contains roughly 18% EPA and 12% DHA but
the best supplements contain much higher concentrations.

Formulation – The natural triglyceride-based fish oils are the preferred form for superior
absorption, but the vast majority of commercial products are in the less natural ethyl ester form
which are more resistant to digestive enzymes and thus not absorbed as easily
Many experts in wellness and healthy aging recommend “pharmaceutical grade” fish oil

Many experts in wellness and healthy aging recommend “pharmaceutical grade” fish oil.
Pharmaceutical grade fish oil means that the oil is purer, has a higher omega-3 content, and is
generally safer to consume. The oil is more expensive and “ultra refined”.

“High quality” or “pure” are descriptors used for health food grade fish oil. With ultra refined fish
oil the process is taken several steps further. The process of true molecular distillation removes
man made pollutants from the fish, the purification process removes much of the fishy taste,
and helps remove any saturated fats and finally the oil is analyzed and tested to verify the final
product.

Most dietary supplement companies are really sales and marketing firms. Many of them
outsource manufacturing, lab testing, bottling and labeling.

Do your homework and find a company that provides access to all of the information regarding
their products. The best pharmaceutical grade fish oil companies will measure the “catch
to capsule” time, another measure of freshness and provide you with information on their
purification processes and safety standards. The old adage “you get what you pay for” may well
be true in this case.

MANSCAPE : Paul Yellin

 

MANSCAPE : Paul Yellin

Published in Issue #6 | AUTUMN 2016

CANE RHUM BAR & CARIBBEAN KITCHEN 251 East Bay Street, 843.277.2764, @CaneCHS, #EatDrinkCane

Boots or Flipflops? Barefoot
When you were a kid you dreamed about? Being a musician
Favorite sports team? My friends and our boogie boards
Poster hanging in your room in Jr. High? Three girls from the islands…
called ‘Birds of Paradise’
Early riser or night owl? Who has time to sleep?
Yardwork or laundry? Yardwork
Gym or jog? Gym
Steak or kale? Steak
Black or cream/sugar? Cream/Sugar
Book or Kindle/eReader? Book
Last book you couldn’t put down? Malcolm Gladwell’s The Tipping Point
Magazine cover you’d like to make? Either Imbibe or Food and Wine
Sail or Motor? Sail


Spicy or Mild? Nuclear
Jeans or shorts? Shorts
Pusser’s or Bacardi? Pusser’s
One thing you cant live without? My kids
Go-to Cocktail? Zombie
Are you afraid of anything? No
Who’s your best friend? My wife
Favorite TV Show? News
Favorite Place to visit? Magnolia Cemetery
Where do you want to visit? Israel and/or Egypt
What is you spirit animal? A mongoose
If you were to name a strain of cannabis, what would it be? Feelin’ Irie
Favorite curse word? Bumba Clatt